drama queen’s day out on valentines

February 14th, 2007 by cherilim

 

ok.
its february. which i tend to shun for one and one reason only.

valentines day.

i hate valentines day. its another of those drippy, gay, marketing gimmicks that gives chocolate, condoms, cards, lingerie and gift companies their surge in sales early in the year.

valentines day is when lovers are expected or supposed to express their undying love, and affection towards one another without the risk of sounding too passe.

look man,
valentines day is
passe.


nothing ever fucking works out for me on valentines day. ever.
things screw up, and all i have left to blame is this piece of drippy brain marketing spunk that we call valentines.
lets see, do some backtracking shall we;

(prior to this, i was always, either dateless, or just plain ignored)

- 4 years ago, david got engaged on valentines day. just not to me.

- 3 years ago, i got an issey miyake gift from hann,

but my "thank you" came in the form of a teary phone call made to him in the middle of the night after my mom smacked the shit out of me for having an eating disorder.

the issey miyake didnt last very long anyways, since threw it back at him after a brawl few weeks later.

- 2 years ago, i got dumped, over the PHONE, by TEXT MSG ( i must add), by aaron after he realised that he was just using me to get over his beloved korean hoochie, young.

oh pls. gimme a fucking break.

i guess my break finally came this year.

*crosses fingers and hopes not the jinx it*

my day started out like this:

woke up with a phone call from the smelly saying he wanted to do brunch @ la bodega.

i said ok, wot the heck.

walked over in the scorching sun, hand in hand and sat down at the table.  we ordered the usual.

smelly gobbled up the food before i could even start on the waffles.   

by the time i did, he told me he wanted to pop by bangsar village 2 to check out a magazine. 

resigned, i nodded and went back to the waffles.

****************************************

when i realised he had dissapeared for a good 20 mins or so, i began to feel uneasy.

so in my usual fashion, i started to talk to myself again, wishing my beloved wombat wilbur was by my side to bitch to. 

"where the hell is he? stupid fucker, must be checking out his stupid PC games at the game shop again…"

"there is so no way im going to pay for all of this"

"this is so fucking embarrassing sitting here all by myself…people are starting to stare at me…fuck fuck fuck".

…………………………………

"HALLO".

i didnt even bother to look up, but a shiny gold colour caught my eye.

there stood the smelly w a humongous grin swiped across his face.

"huh?"

before i could start to rant all over again, he plopped a gold ochre shopping bag on my lap.

i blinked a few times, and looked at him, still grinning.

i began to grin as well.

"no way….." i stared at the gold package, knowing full well where that sneaky little bugger got it from.

"happy valentines day!"

i stared at him.

"open it la"

so i did.

half believing all of this, i pulled out a shiny white evening bag adorned with pearls, opals and crystals.

the same one i saw and fell in love w from mumbai se a few weeks back, while dragging him on one of my shopping escapades.

"no way, man"  i was grinning as well.

"no fucking way". :)

"yes way, la. i love you!"

heh heh heh.

so there i was holding my newest favourite hand candy, pleased-as-fucking-punch.

i only knew on thing to say:

"babe, i know i should say ‘you shouldnt have’.  but id be lying"

smelly: "-_-"

so yeah, i guess this year wasnt too bad after all.

i kinda did a few calculations in my head while smelly asked for the bill.

"so wot did it all add up to?" i wondered.

1) slutty purple dress from blook = 98 RM

2) la bodega brunch = 72 ++ RM

3) fucking awesome white evening bag from the equally awesome mumbai se = 500 ish (i think)

saying the right thing,

at the right time,

with the right type of ammo (mostly, in the form of a gift, or confession of sort)

= P.R.I.C.E.L.E.S.S.

so, fuck valentines man,

fine, maybe to cut some slack,

well for all intents and purposes, cupid didnt shoot me in the arse and/or pull the carpet from underneath me this time around.

**********************************

but who the hell cares?

i got me a wicked new bag to look good with. :)

im still feeling a little sheepish for all that bitchy drama-queen self conversation i had @ la bodega earlier,

i working on it.

so as divachao used to say to me

"you can take the queen out of the drama but not the drama out of the queen".

– well said, yo.

that turned out ok.

The great [s]expectations

February 9th, 2007 by cherilim

its february already. how time flies.

it is also nearing valentines.

oh man.  O_o

Anyway.

Since ive been thrown into some vigorous debate about men, women, relationships and wot not as of late,

I shall attempt to make some sense in my writing by pondering upon one of my favourite topics:

Sex.

many of you, may have read this entry already, on my now defunct blog (psst..kvnnn) some time back.

but wot the heck.  im bringing sex(y) back!

Sex is good. Sex is said to heal the body, mind and soul. Sex, is sometimes a workout. Sex could be an outlet to vent your problems. Sex improves your mood. Sex boosts your confidence, and maybe. just maybe brings you closer to the person you are doing the dirty with.

—> Liquid silk’s (r) main tagline included: ‘ superior lubrication guaranteed to smoothen out any tension in relationships ‘.

—-> Zsa zsa gabor once infamously quoted:
‘ to get over a man, you have to get under another one ‘.

Go figure. i thoroughly agree.

Thing is, for most women of today, sexual affiliations brings about a whole new genre of expectations in a relationship. (assuming they are in one).

To them, sex is not just sex.

Sex is never

just sex.

Men generally, being the audio-visual creatures they are can switch on and off just like that.

i.e they fuck and move on.

Why is it then, that we become so emotionally attached to our mates, even though we claim that we are satisfying only our carnal appetites?

Sex can sometimes be a rather sticky situation.
(im not meaning in the literal sense)

As we become intimate w our men, (or women)
Expectations for a more fulfilling relationship finally come into full play.

– We want to feel like it wasnt ‘ just a fuck ‘.

– We want to be able to ‘ connect ‘ w our partner not just physically, but emotionally, and mentally.

– We want to lie in bed w the guy for hours, and talk, cuddle, and just exist in their affinity, presuming round 2 doesnt roll around the minute he pulls out.

– We want them to make us feel as if we are respected and loved. And not just because our p***ies give them great pleasure.

– We want fancy dinners, we want them shopping sprees, we want romantic text messages and often miss long intimate phone conversations….we want time time time, dedication, dedication, dedication, yadda yadda………..etc…etc….

The list goes on.

When is it ever enough?

The answer is never.

People should tell it as it is.

First time sex, tricky,

“>

The morning after, trickier,

The rest and all that is to come;

is likened to being in a combustible coal mine. A little bit of friction, and well you and everything w you is history.<span style=”FONT-SIZE: 130%; FONT-FAMILY: arial


Expectations in the bed room, the relationship and just about anywhere else shouldnt be,

Just because,

You could risk an aftermath of bad moods, uncalled for distance, disappointment, and lord forbid,

A bruised ego.

We are aware as intelligent single women that perfection isnt always attainable.

But life still has its uncannily sneaky way of throwing us curveballs.

Maybe when you are sleeping w someone shouldnt necessarily be called dating.

It should be called

waiting for the other shoe to drop ‘.

Waiting for the miracle that is:

‘ great guy, great sex, great body, great relationship ‘, to appear as we plough through our everyday feeling mediocre.

If it isnt the sex between me and you,

then someone has to have a shitload of baggage enough to last a lifetime,

or maybe he’s married.

he’s had a kid or two,

he’s gay and doesnt know it yet.

but why is it always something?

Nitpicking has been a trait women have had since primal times,

and well that cannot be explained any better than

why men think w their penises and not their head. (head, as in brain).

Which brings me to the "anticlimax" of my whole entry:

**written quite awhile back:

*****************************************

Something absurd occurred this evening, as I was having a usual round of bedroom activity w the boyfriend who happens to pride himself on the fact he can make me orgasm again and again.

(dont ask, no comment, and not up for discussion)

So there I was trying to get off on our get-it-on, when he suddenly looked at me, with a disconcerting frown and said,

" did you turn off the water heater?"
" yea, why? " I answered rocking back and forth.
" errr, cos I wanted to take a shower?"
" oh, but I just did, and the water was hot." I stopped moving.


" yea, well now youve used ALL the hot water." 

i looked at him a blinked. twice.  he was suddenly reduced to a 9 year old school boy with a "you-broke-one-of-my-toy-cars" frown on his face.

There wasnt any *grrrrr*.

or any *rwooowrrr*.

or any ‘ throwdown ‘ ,

it was actually,

More of a slowdown.

Somehow, my desire to bang his brains out dissolved into thin air,

as i got off (NOT that way),

walked over to the heater switch and all of the wot-was-left of the chemistry and lust debauched w the sound of the prompt ‘ CLICK’.

The only thing that was turned on that evening was the light on the heater.
And the only thing that was hot in the room was the water.

*******************************************

Needless to say, after that incident, I immediately got dressed, got into my car and sped off as quickly as I could as far away as I could get from the house.

As all you ladies are spectating in awe I have only one thing left to say, the greatest sexpectations, is in fact, NONE.

i took a long hot shower and tried to forget the whole thing ever happened.

Ive come to realize over a hot water heater that I cannot expect anything only because he has already in a way surpassed most of my expectations.
Ive come to realize that when you love someone, nothing else matters,

sex isnt ‘ just the sex ‘.
the sex is in fact ‘ great sex ‘.

When you love someone, you look past their supposed ‘ flaws ‘, and applaud the person as they are, and celebrate wot you already have.

And despite all the hoo-haa arguments, push pull and supposed ‘ mixed messages ‘ one thing remains, in that i am head over heels

and he makes me happy w who I am, fat arse and all.

So,

Im not ‘ waiting for the other shoe to drop ‘.

Cos it fell;

long, before i decided to acknowledge it.
And now I am,

Ive come to comprehend,
sex, no sex, or halfway there sex,
it is still kind of
HOT. 

**************************

Of course as with everything in life, there are two sides to the coin.

relationships can turn ugly.  I’ve had my fair share of those.

id like to liken relationships to investments - both shortterm and longterm, depending on wot you want.

As with all investments, we all expect to get something in return.

as time goes by though, no matter how much funds you can chuck into this good-for-nothing investment,

Arty_shit_070_6

the return is still ZILCH.

my advice is to just move on,

conserve your funds

and chuck-em elsewhere, just to see if the R.O.I (return on investment) is better.

you have nothing to lose,

UNLESS, of course,

you are going out with HIM

Wentworth_miller_12

happy valentines and CnY y’all.

hope you’ll all have a good one.

and to sakai kvn….im still up and running still blogging, but on this one instead.

Enjoy!

today you turn 29

February 1st, 2007 by cherilim

happy birthday davidhasan-chou!

you’re getting old my friend,

i just wished your maturity could catch up with the age! heh . ;P kiddin

17612857061732l the only photo i have left of you, doing wot you do best.

today is the day you turn 29, which means we’ve known each other for a good 7 years or so.

i remember 7 years ago, you were still a skinny little bastard, and i was the fresh faced chubby teenager you single-handedly corrupted, no?

but we did have some splendid crazy, good times together init.

for wotever that has happened, now all put behind us,

im still utterly proud of you.

-ive never understood your obsessive love for surfing, and beach-hopping all that much.  but you’re still one of the most free-spirited people ive met, and nothing could and can hold you down.

-your love for travelling the globe, made me do the same.

-you’re the brilliant talented artist, that inspired me to go get down to some serious arty business.  thank you, for working with me and photoshopping most my work, and helping me get into artschool.

***************************************

ive hated you for alot of things in the past, yea?

namely being the main source of my heartache and tears and narcisissm.

("im still a size six, and il never be a size two! asshole!")

and you always thought you could make it up to me by buying/sending me extravagant gifts.

i wont deny the fact i thoroughly adored the cartier choker, omega constellation, diamond bracelets, LV monogram bags you used to buy my naive trust and heart with.

i still love the BCBG cocktail dress you picked out, and convinced warren and divachao to deliver to me.

but by far ,

the most memorable gift you’ve ever gave me

was the one that ended up in me having to drink cranberry juice and antibiotics for 2 weeks. -_-

*************************

for as much as ive hated you in the past,

im nonetheless thankful, that you survived the accident, and that you are ok.

i hope your beloved beemer is still salvageable,

you’d be utterly depressed if your baby wouldnt be there to help you pick up the hot chicks eh?

im glad that warren and divachao were there by yourside.

say hello to them for me will you?

***************************

ive come to realise, that it would have been wrong for me to stop you from living life to the fullest,

you’re one that always had to have his way, be it with wine, women and…

well, just wine and women.

i bet you havent changed. :P

but i have.

*************************************

so, on this special day, i just want to say thank you for teaching me some very invaluable lessons about men. and life, just living in general.

im glad to have met you, and even more glad to have moved on, and fell in love love love :)

be well, my friend. i know we probably wont be speaking much, if ever. 

hope you settle down soon and get yourself a lovely wife. heh heh heh..

happy birthday asshole! 

may this year be the best yet.

regards,

-the cewek.

wot happened?

January 29th, 2007 by cherilim

im getting a tad bit concerned.

never have i suffered an artist’s block for so long a time period.

im getting downright scared.

the last good drawing i churned out was last january. 

and it hasnt moved an inch from my desk ever since.

i had ambitious plans for this drawing, but…

alas,

im lacking one brilliant photoshop david artist to finish up where i left off.

damn it.   

im staring at it right now, so tempted to pick my piece of charcoal and chalk to fill in the blanks

but i fear my lazy, unseasoned hand might mar the immaculate strokes of my mini masterpiece.

the soft lead is already fading, and rubbing off onto the once white paper, staining the once detailed design of my delicate angel’s wing a foreign grey.

my hands are failing me once more.

"fuck! my portfolio is still at sam’s place".

shit, havent spoken to that dude in ages.  and his cool hippy parents. 

wonder if my painting of the violin quartet is still sitting pretty in his dining room.

im looking through a few pieces of wot is left of my portfolio, and i cant help but feel both pride and dismay.

i stare at them, trying to remember how it looked like before they became magnificent colours and strokes, both painstakingly fashioned by my own hands, and photoshopped by david.

i wonder how my hands managed to work magic like that.

i cant even imagine how much work went into those, how much imagination and passion.

all, up in smoke now.

its all gone now.

im left with a blurred memory, faded imagination, fickle motivation and lazy right hand, more interested in holding onto a cigarette rather than a piece of charcoal or a paintbrush.

damn you, cheri.

damn you.

this is all i have left now.

Arty_shit_015_1

Arty_shit_060

Arty_shit_012I_hate_prom_nightsArty_shit_034

quantum musings pt. 2: globalisation (re-edited)

January 27th, 2007 by cherilim

After all the glory media flashes in front of our eyes.

Day in day out.

When ure eating in front of the telly, fliipin through channels, and shit Ive come to a (non comprehensive) conclusion that: We all know we live in a world of hypocritical paranoia. One can argue that we have come so far, and made progress only Sir Malthus himself dreamed abt.

We have come so far, yet we are living a life more backward than we think.

All hail America . Look at them ppl. We look towards being like our most prosperous, technologically advanced, socially integral nation. But then when activists point out blatantly that the very same country is being plagued by obesity/ill health, beauracracy within its medical care, government. That it is in fact a greedy tyrant w more political triblulations, social inequality, comparative poverty problems, unemployment and rising crime rates.

We then shut the fuck up.

We stop hailing and we look the fuck away.

Now, I cant decide whether these social ills are a cause or an effect.

But its there, every fucking day, right in front of your eyes. We just don’t choose to see it. America can be used to symbolize the bigger picture of the global economy.

And perhaps then we can see that (in lame men terms) that the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer?

Yes? No? I don’t know? Go away pls, im watching O.C?

Now, then. Why is this so?

I believe that root of this problem lies within the phenomenon wed like to call globalization. Id say its globalization and its discontents.

Everybody whos somebody knows abt the IMF and the WTO and their pioneering advocation of free world trade and globalization in all its fucking glory.

Now.

Many ppl (especially if you are an average stupid American) look up to these figure heads and think “wow, they really did it for us, they are our modern day heros”.

Yes in the name of god, globalization hold within it many virtuous intentions of making the world a better place to live in.

Who wants to see a child die?

Who ever stood for poverty, disease,

and having to rob, and rape for satisfaction.

You see, in times of desperation like these alongside the G7’s growing concern towards the ailments of the developing world, the world top leaders, politicians, scholars, activists, and economists alike saw a need for a fairer parity in the worlds wealth if we were going to live longer than our evolved ancestors.

Globalization you nimwit. And the perceived good it brings.

-opening up for international trade has helped countries grow faster than they would have otherwise done.

-its aids economic development when growth is export driven. Export led growth was the centerpiece of the industrial policy that enriched much of Asia as we see it today.

-life expectancy has almost doubled since the last century, so much so govts in developed country are dealing w another problem known as the ‘aging population’. Now old hags are being shipped of to s. Korea to enjoy the rest of their days.

-standard of living has proved to be something most can be proud of nowadays.

-globalization has brought abt the much needed sectorial development, to both spur and sustain growth and development in developing countries. Yes. Ppl in the west may regard bigwigs like Nike and coke as exploitation, but in fact for the disenfranchised it provides a job alternative to slaughting all day in the farm/sea.

-it has indeed reduced the sense of isolation felt in much of the developing world and has given many ppl an access to invaluable knowledge only exclusive to the west before.

Look at India and how they became one of the smartest fucking ppl on the planet and decided to take on the world and migrate everywhere. *ananannanana*.

-globalization gives rise to new technologies and innovation, look at dell, Microsoft, McIntosh, IBM. They are the fucking reason your child knows how to surf porn at the age of 8.

-foreign aid, for all its faults still has brought benefit to millions, often in ways that are unnoticed such as guerrillas in the Philippines being provided jobs by WB financed projects as they lay down their arms.

The list goes on….. Now then.

why the hell are these international beauracrats-the faceless symbols of the world economic order being apprehended under attack everywhere? I mean after all our heros Mr. IMF and his counterpart, senor WTO are on a life long pledge to save to fucking world from eating itself up right?

I take a rather droll affinity towards scrutinizing the very fact that virtually every major meeting of the IMF, WB and the WTO is now the scene of much violence, anger, conflict and turmoil.

Why then has this phenomenon –a force that brought as much good akin to Luke skywalker restoring balance to the galaxy (for you star wars fans) Become the fucking pinnacle of controversy?

Yes. Those who vilify globalization often overlook the benefits. But the proponents of this very ‘hero’ have been if anything, even more imbalanced. To them glob. (which is typically associated w triumphant capitalism, yankee/soros/trump style) is progress .

progress that developing countries must accept if they wanna get out of the poverty trap. However. To many in the developing world, this just has not brought abt the promised economic benefits. Which just goes to show my fellow minion, that the US in all its yankee glory are just a bunch of hypocritical motherfuckers that gain media popularity by publicly addressing their plans to heal the wounded to save the falling.

So to speak. Speak?

Yet they sit there flat on their fat white arses. All those Americans know shite abt any fucking thing that is going on other than their neighbors gossip. They are too fucking busy watching despo on Fox tv, while Mr. bush has plans to bomb Iraq , flat, overthrow Sadam and suck oil out of the ground from a silver straw.

So wot the flying fuck they on abt helping the poor and restoring balance to the galaxy they believe they dictate. Theyre paying homage to Hitler, and yet, they turn around and smile pretty for the camera saying they are all for world piece.

T

hose Yankees can go fuck themselves for all they pls. they already are anyway. Thanks to Lewinsky and Clinton

Cant they open their stoned eyes and see that ppl are fucking dying and collapsing of hunger everywhere?

I guess not.

Cos the last thing you’ll catch is fat Joe giving up his double cheese whopper for a donation to the poor.

A growing divide between the haves and have nots has left ppl in the 3rd world living on less than a dollar a day. And despite those poverty reduction schemes and promises, the last time I checked the no. of ppl living in this state has upped by 100 million the same time ttl world income grew by 2.5 percent a year. Check it out!

Those rich buggers really have it going for themselves.

In Africa high aspirations following colonial independence have been largely disgruntled. Instead the continent pluges deeper into misery while the scourge of aids continues to ravage the young, old, rich and poor alike. I once read abt a documentary going on in parts of Africa where poverty ruled high.

The cases of HIV had risen dramatically since the last few decades, and the latest trend had HIV positive males raping young female/male virgins and leaving them w the disease. Reason being tribes had a belief that if you were stricken w a deadly disease, sleeping w a virgin rid you off it. voila!!

This lead to something even bigger. Even though they had abandoned African socialism, managed to install reasonably decent govts, balanced their budget, and kept inflation down, the mere thought of AIDS scared away many of the vital, wealthy private and multinational investors.

And guess wot?

Without it you cannot have sustainable growth.

And it hasn’t done too well in ensuring stability either. If at all.

Crises in Asia and Latin America have been a threat to economies in trade partners and fellow developing countries and unions. There are fears of financial contagion spreading around the world. Take for instance wot happened in 1997/8, the Asian crisis when the volatility of the currency created a trauma so great that firms and households and governments alike are still cleaning up the mess.

The mess that was single-handedly sparked by our very favourite George soros.

The fucker that sold and sold the fucking ringgit till it fell overnight. Now hes another one of those sick bastards that treat trading in the stock exchange like some predatory game.

Yea well.

Go take the dow jones/nasdaq and shove it up his ass.

The introduction of the market economy promised to bring w it unprecedented prosperity, but instead it brought unprecedented poverty.

Look at post communist Russia . The pressing issue is not this, however.

We all know wot incompetent minions the west can sometimes be.

It’s the fact that there is an obvious contrast between Russia ’s transition as engineered by international economic institutions and that of china designed by itself couldn’t be greater.

The critics of the ill-handling of globalization accuse the west of hypocrisy.

And damn right y’all.

The west have pushed poor countries to eliminate their trade barriers while they kept their own. Resulting in a deprivation of much needed export income.

Export driven growth, my ass!

The US was of course one of the prime culprits. And they funny fact is that I wasn’t only hurting the developing world but its own domestic economy; it cost them as consumers, in the higher prices they paid and as tax payers to finance those extravagant subsidies. But even when they weren’t indicted for hypocrisy, they had ensured that the agenda garnered a disproportionate share of the benefits at the expense of the developing world.

Who else? Those Africans can go beating around the bush w their fellow argentinans and see who goes down first.

How you wonder?

Along w the unfair trade regulations they imposed, western banks benefited from the loosening of the capital market in Latin America and Asia , but those countries suffered when inflows of speculative/hot money that had poured in, suddenly reversed its course.

The result?

Collapsed currencies and weakened banking systems, bankruptcy and many a riot.

well intentioned efforts are one thing .

But having to clean up and eat up all the external costs is another. Environments have been destroyed

(go take a flight to brazil if you don’t believe me, and play “spot the forest” cos they have to rely now on fucking tourism to fund their govt defict. Cos of failed trade treaties and talks in just abt every WTO meeting).

Political processes have been corrupted. Hence leading on to the subject of terrorism which I wont go into cos its just no fun talking abt the Taliban. Cos the US will never leave them the fuck alone and that issue wont ever be dropped for as long as America is still floating around in the world map.

Pace of change has not allowed for cultural adaptation. Hey aborigines and Hawaiians have been up tourists asses since the brits invaded.

But did you know that its happening in G7 countries such as japan and france as well?

As we all know the French are anal abt everything, namely the language/culture. Don’t ever fuck around w their language. But globalization did just that. Now the French are demanding that a new rule be installed saying that “we shall not yield to the fat Americans. And we shall have a French word for everything in English. Even a French term for the mcdonalds hamburger”.

Beat that.

Well then back to the initial question. Wot have the IMF and WTO and WB been doing all this while? For starters they’ve locked themselves up in a box and are bickering (up till tdy) abt who is right and who is wrong.

Funny init.

Our only hope for survival are throwing tantrums abt who is better and who is smarter. While half the world subsists is starving their asses off , fighting AIDS like no bodies business.

And the Americans and sitting on their fat arses chowing down pizza after pizza, watching family guy and flippin the channel from time to time to see Mr. bush smiling pretty for the camera.

Over the years of inception the IMF has changed markedly. Founded on the belief that markets function badly, it had chosen to leave JM Keynes rolling over in his grave to see wot has become of his baby while it champions market supremacy with ideological fervour.

The mission statements between the IMF and WB were growing apart quicker than the the bloody Americans gaining their pounds. And they remained distinct even though they were both founded upon for the same cause.

And damn the fact WB needed IMF’s go ahead before any financial procedure.

And that often came w many imposed conditions. Now it seemed as though the IMF was the smart alec w all the answers (basically the same blueprints for every country, rich or poor). And while the WB debated over the best stance to take, IMF didn’t see the need for all this discussion that was going on, it sorta became like a vacumm to provide all the brilliant answers.

In their defence, they would use the fact that the WTO was busy spending money hosting forums in cancun and just abt any where else in the world that never came to any consensus anyway. and almost always ended badly.

Why? Cos the bloddy G7 leaders had all the fucking say and wouldn’t hear out any of their other humbler counterparts. It was basically an excuse for these leaders to go away for the weekend, get some sun, speak abt shit they didn’t even know wot they were on abt, and then appear on the media w a killer tan, expressing their ‘heartfelt sorrows on why oh why they couldn’t seem to stop the vicious cycle of poverty’.

Ah. The solution was of course to try harder.

Next time.

So IMF has failed in its mission. WB and WTO are both hiding behind it, shunning any questions. In spite of the fact that our understanding of economic processes have increased over the last 50 years. Well, I guess its just abt that we have achieved.

Why?

Cos world leaders just don’t understand that they need to view today’s problems in a dispassionate way.

Put ideology aside and base their policies on hard facts, evidence and statistics.

Too much politics! Don’t politicize!

Maybe there is a reason politicians are dubbed failed scholars or scientists due to their inability to engage in any sort of logical/scientific debate, but instead, followed their instincts and beliefs. And worse, many of these harshly forced policies have promoted global instability instead of growth and god forbid.

Development !

Today. we have no world government accountable to the ppl of every country to oversee this inevitable globalization process (which will happen in its own course anyway) Analogous to the way national govts guided the nationalization process.

Instead we have a system that I would prefer to refer to as “global governance without global government”.

-Maybe its high time to rethink, adapt, reinvent the rules that were once set so rigidly before. That were not flexible enough to complement many of these developing countries’ economic volatility.

-Think once again abt how decisions get made at an international level- and in whose interest. Cos “1size fits all” is bollocks .

-Place less emphasis on ideology and look more on wot works in the real world. And fast.

-Yea its safe to say that globalization can be remolded into something much finer, and deeper and perhaps more receptive.

And when it is, with all countries given a fair vote into the policies affect them and their generations to come, There is a slight chance that it might all just maybe……work out.

Then a new global community is born founded on economic stability and growth sustainable enough to witness the fruits of labor to be more equitably shared.

Oh yea. I forgot one thing! God bless America :)

Now I am in no way trying to sound cocky or blatant. Maybe just a little. Nor do I think that im in any position to. since I am in fact a failed dubious mathematician that has resorted to home schooling herself. Just because. part of the reason probably lies within the fact I hate wasting time being preached to like some parrot in class abt analysis and linear algebra and then fail cos I sleep in class,

Hence before I rant on abt the education system, I must tell you this.

That being aware of wot is happening around you and asking why and seeking for an answer is just as important as any algebra you will learn in school.

That said.

I must say, girls pls be aware and go check BCBG maxazria’s and galliano’s spring/summer collection coming soon.

Amazing just falls short of expectations.

Enjoy! - -

a little something from the archives.

January 26th, 2007 by cherilim

(written almost a year and a half ago titled: "economics of the all you can eat kind")

**this is dedicated to my dear friend james, who is now in aussie and as we speak is probably throwing mini pebbles at koalas, tasting fine wine, and checking out the hot surfer dudes @ bondi on my behalf (u better!).

my sincere apologies, cos thinking of you always made me think abt food.

so, dear james, may you always be in the pink of health and be bestowed w such unworldly appetite that befits you stature and copious amts of "charisma"

wouldnt it be well cool , had i the requisite brain and expertise, to write a paper on the economics of all-you-can-eat buffets. you see, ive affliated myself w many ppl that wouldnt give up their food if their life or maybe waistline depended on it.  they give a whole new meaning to the phrase "fat and happy" as tish once blatantly told me.

you see to them, paying homage to haagen dazs, or finishing that pint of ben and jerry’s yields just as much utility as id derive from swipping a credit card over a counter in exchange for a pair of manolos.

which brings me to my very point.

for ppl like them, more is better.  and how better than to treat themselves to an all you can eat buffet?

however, as a friend genuinely concerned abt their wellbeing and satisfaction, i cant help but wonder, are they feeding themselves right?

how does one truly maximize utility?

a few incoherent suggestions:

  1. straightforwardly, people would unselectively eat as much as they could in order to maximize the value of their money. equal, plentiful amounts of every dish on offer. increase in quantity eaten translates directly to decrease in cost of each unit eaten.
  2. arguably, though, you could eat as much of your favourite dishes in that buffet as you possibly could, in order to maximize your utility even further. so, someone who likes fried chicken far more than fried vegetables would enjoy greater utility by eating more fried chicken than fried vegetables, rather than equal amounts of both.
  3. however, marginal returns diminishes. after the fifteenth piece of fried chicken, having a bite of vegetables would probably increase one’s utility more than the sixteenth piece of fried chicken.
  4. in addition, one could subscribe to external regulators of value. these are the people who will go into an all-you-can-eat buffet and eat no carb dishes like pasta, rice etc, because these are cheaper, fill you up faster, and are therefore less valuable in terms of ratio of stomach space to dollar spent. ahahahah. chao? familiar?
  5. relatedly, there are those who maximize their utility by heaping their plate with lobster, caviar, oysters, pate, peking duck, and all things expensive and rare. rationally this is to do with maximizing unit value of return on each dollar spent. you see, A $5 buffet spent eating pasta is "less valuable" than a $5 buffet spent eating peking duck.
  6. conflict arises, however, when one actually prefers pasta to peking duck. which would increase one’s utility more?  uh oh.
  7. also, do any one of these methods of increasing utility increase utility more than the others? even if one prefers pasta to peking duck, i.e. eating pasta would increase one’s utility more than eating duck, could one’s utility actually be increased more by eating peking duck simply because one knows that duck is more expensive than pasta?
  8. and for all good intentions sake, how the hell does desserts fit into all this??

if anyone economically-inclined ever writes a paper on this, maybe lemme know?

so for all u cynics out there.  economics love it or loathe it can be applied to just abt anything in life.

heck, if researching this paper allows me to peruse all-you-can-eat buffets all over the world,

i’ll write the damned thing myself.

-in kind regards to your email.

see you soon.  buffet?  maybe?

unemployed.

January 18th, 2007 by cherilim

i managed to finally drag my sorry ass to the pool today and covered the full 5 km in an hour and 20 mins. 

now i understand that is a rather pathetic mention, in comparison to my previous training days.

but its progress nontheless.  plus im a heavy smoker la. *koff koff*

plus sprinting in the pool beats the annoying as fuck-oh-my-god-im-dying-and-seeing stars spinning class anyday.

and i earned myself a fine tan.

i havent been up to much, apart from being unemployed and grovelling for spare cash to offset my collosal shopping deficit.

i was interupted by a phone call while watching the america’s next top model finale a few days back from a casting agency saying they wanted me in for a telekom malaysia ad.

i said ok, anything for some spare dosh. 

and hung up only to find out that ugly-as-fuck/country grammar gone wrong danielle with her wide-as-the-grand-canyon-gap-teeth beat cutie joanie to the top place.

oh! the misery.

well i never.

stupid tyra,

her fat ass

and her stuck-up band of amigos

can watch and cry, while their choice of america’s next top ghetto trash endorses cover girl products with her gap tooth and "your mama’s so fat…"-esque south-park compatible accent.

will anybody buy mascara from a girl that looks like starvin’ marvin, but "tawlks jeeewst lah-yke shewf luuv" ?

i seriously doubt it.

***************************************************

yeah. anyway i digress.

the next day, i went to audition for my role in the tv ad.

i was instructed to act as a bimbotic secretary chatting animatedly on the phone while my boss is fuming and screaming at me to get me his file.

i neednt have to mention that the bimbotic girly giggles, boob bouncing and hair twirling came almost like second nature. heh heh. joking lah.  O_o

the casting agents we satisfied, but said i wasnt malaysian enough.

wtf.

oi! babi! i speak malaysianglish kau-kau better dan yoo hokay? mahai.

i wonder why they havent called back to schedule the shoot yet.

-_-

*************************************************

anyways, here are some of my recent pics which i took whilst on holiday @ avillion, PD with the smelly.

Img_0377_5

this has to be the gay-est pic of zain. :)

Img_0385_6

 

sawdeeka!

Img_0424 

messing about in the pool.

i once read a long time ago, on kenny sia’s blog that the typical

"bimbo-blog = money" and lots and lots and lots of viewing hits.

in other words, the bimbo blog = narcissm, 0% brain power, FUN and so much more! smile :)

i decided to give it a try.

(and i shall write in the annoying bIG SmAlL LeTtEr’S for added impact.)

Img_0423

   

tHis iS mE. i Am So PReTtY.

Img_0430

thIS is Me aGaIn. I AM SO PRETTY. and you are all so ugly.

Img_0435                                                                                               LOoK aT mE.  look at me frolick about in the pool. I AM SO PRETTY.

Img_0437_6

wOt aBouT thIs siDe? I AM SO PRETTY. dont you just want to give me a kiss?  i makE alL of YOu MelT. I AM SO DAMN PRETTY.

anD If YOu HaVE ALl foRGOTtEn………

Img_0440   

                                                                                            LOOK AT ME. I AM JUST GORGEOUS.

O_o 

oh for fuck’s sake. i really am that bored.

i need a job, man. badly.

trouble at the dinner table

January 12th, 2007 by cherilim

they were having a decadent dinner, he ordered his usual medium rare tenderloin.

she was craving her norwegian salmon steak.

halfway through the meal, she had trouble working through her food. 

something felt oddly different.

maybe it was the damn flu her immune system had been fighting against, for the past few weeks.

he asked her wot was wrong. 

she felt a wave of nausea rush over her.

he offered her his half eaten steak. 

she took a few bites at the rare meat, only to stop, at the sight of crimson blood staining the white plate in the reflection of the shiny steak knife.

something felt oddly different.

he asked her wot was worrying her, if he could do anything.

her nausea was getting worse.

she lit a ciggarette, and took a long, slow drag.

the feeling got worse, everything she exhaled. 

"can we go home?" said she.

he nodded"sure, baby.  il ask them to pack the food up.  you should lie down and rest".

"thanks".  she stubbed out her cigarette.

they waited for the bill.

she felt ravenous.  yet she couldnt seem to take another bite.

suddenly memories and vivid images flashed across her eyes.   images of her bent over the toilet seat and sink, digging her throat, trying to cleanse her body of the sins she had newly commited in the dining room. 

each time her body wretched and stomach convulsed, she felt an odd sense of relief.  the relief led to the need for control. 

the more and more she cleansed herself, the more and more control she needed to feel sane.  and normal.

it was a vicious cycle. 

"baby? are you alright?"

her thoughts were came to an abrupt stop.

"yes, im fine.  feeling really queasy". she quickly replied.

he kissed her on the cheek.

"lets go home okay?" 

"okay"

the held hands as they walked out of the restaurant and to the car.

"guilty".

"huh?" she felt confused.

"guilty".

she looked at him. his lips pursed. he was concentrating on driving her misaligned car.

"guilty".

the voice in her head was starting to sound like a broken record. 

she felt it.  and tried to shut it out.

they fell asleep side by side that night soon after making up for lost time. and sex.

the familar warmth and safety she felt in his bed wasnt enough to protect her from haunting dreams. 

****************

she walked along a familiar path and saw many familiar faces.  some of whom she loved.  some she hated.  some seemed to be faces from a pasing glance on the street.

she walked up a hill, looking for someone she wanted to hold hands with. 

she couldnt find him.

she cried out. she wept.

but she still couldnt find him. 

then she came to a long dining table.  filled with food.  all kinds of food.  there were many people there, seated, chatting animatedly and laughing.  they seemed to be beckoning for her to come.

she sat down at the table.

something felt odd. 

the people suddenly seemed to be seated so far away.  she could barely hear wot they were talking about.

she felt lost. and lonely.

she looked at the food in the plate in front of her. 

she took a bite. then another. then another.

she panicked.  her hands had a mind of its own.  she couldnt stop.

the people at the table seemed to be further and further away from her.

her mouth was bleeding from all the chewing.

*******************************************

she woke up, gasping for air with beads of cold sweat forming on her forehead.

she looked over at him. 

he looked so peaceful, curled up beside her.

she didnt want to wake him. 

she felt restless,

her stomach sent sharp pains all the way to her chest.

hunger.

without much of a choice, she got up and walked quietly to the kitchen. 

she reluctantly made her self a hot drink,

looked at the calorie count on a box of cereal

and sullenly counted 15 individual pieces of fruit loops cereal to put in her empty bowl.

she sat down at the dinner table.  alone.

she took a bite from her 15 pieces of cereal and panicked.

she got up, took her small bowl, and hot drink and quickly ran back to the room. 

safe. 

she locked the door and seated herself comfortably at his computer table, staring blankly at the screen as she ate her cereal.

her fingers itched to fiddle with something. 

so she logged onto her account and started blogging about her bad dream.

shopping is my new cardio

December 17th, 2006 by cherilim

i came back from bangkok a few days ago;

broke in serious financial debt

only to have reached the fundamental / unanimous decision that bangkok has only this to offer:

and that is, to add inches to the waistline and a tramatic drain to the wallet.

no la, i guess, there were some other highlights of my trip.

like witnessing this for instance:Dsc02817_1

which was

(diva shaun; discovering that his inner diva and outer diva demeanour may not be that significant after all)

******

yea. but anyway, in the span of 5 days i managed to spend 5,000 ringgit (just on shopping alone). hence i shall be living poor for the rest of the year.

so what did i manage to blow my moolah on you wonder?

purchases include (without the VAT claims):

-fcuk tunics and slutty tops

- more slutty tops from morgan

- peddle pushers from axara

-the cutest lulu guiness handbag

- 3 pairs of excessively ex. wedges by nine west, ungaro and aldo

then got (stupidly) conned into buying useless shiny, pretty things and even more clothing (i doubt i will ever wear in a lifetime) from the 3,700 shops in a night bazaar.

p.s contrary to popular belief,

bangkok is not cheap ok, shop keepers con you heartlessly, esp. if you have poor will power, and weak heart and ever poorer bargaining skills like me.  -_-

i went to thailand hoping that i could finally get my moneys worth of shopping, but to my dismay, i was dragged day after day to the massive high-end shopping complexes to commit my 7 sins.

but i have to admit la, the stores and stuff they have in these complexes are really a sight for sore eyes.

bangkok has shit kl doesnt even have!

so there, as i scouted around, in awe, i commited the first sin.

lust.

there i was, drooling like an obese diabetic at baskin-robins at the shops and endless stuff, most of which i could barely afford.

emmanuel ungaro

dolce & gabbana

micheal kors

cavalli

missoni

karl lagerfeld

vivienne westwood

ellie saab

and my oh so favourite online prey: salinas & poko pano

fuck. me. 

so as i pushed the flashy glass doors to enter each and every store, falling in lust over and over again, scaling the myriad of footwear, couture, bags, fit for a king 

it dawned upon me, i had already commited my second sin

envy.

me: "ah fuck la, how am i ever going to buy all of this shit, il be in  debt for the rest of my life"

shaun: "sell ass la. thats wot i plan to do. but choose the rich daddys only k. its not worth it other wise "

worth an ass? -_-

then i saw her.

tall, with her waif like frame, hair and (chanel) sunnies perfectly in place, flawless porcelian complexion and stunning profile.  not to mention legs that went up to her armpits.

her silk blouse clung snugly to her 0% body fat frame, strategically exposing just the right amount of decolletage.

"great" i was wreathing, "another skinny bitch with boobs". 

bloddy hell, yo. shes a perfect endorsement package of chanel on a pair of gucci heels. hard to believe, well believe it.

shaun had to shut my gaping jaw as she effortlessly snapped up the gray chanel bag that i had be lusting over, whipped out her black fancy ass platinum credit card and walked out with that very bag in her hand positively glowing.

i was glowing too, green that is.

shaun: "i told you, better start selling ass soon la".

******

gluttony was the 3rd, and most inevitable sin.

for 5 days, i scoffed my fair share of tom yam goong, roast pork, gelato, jap food, lasagne, pasta, and pancakes.

and most of the time, id run to haagen dazs for a cut-throat 11rm per scoop of ice-cream.

cellulite city, here i come.

and everytime, shaun shot me his disapproving-you-are-so-going-to-cellulite-city look.

id look meekly at him and say "waht?

shopping is my new cardio ok?

its like day to night on a treadmill".

we did shop non stop. thats all we did. i have blisters and very very very sore feet (due to unforgiving shoes) to show for this.

******

we managed to steal a little time away from shopping and gluttoning to go to a cabaret and tiger show. 

none like wot we had expected in movies or on t.v

taxi driver pulled up into a dark dirty alley in the middle of nowhere, quite the equivalent of jalan chow kit or much worse, as we got out, it was evident that the patrons outside the place were mainly sleazy old balding men and farangs (white boys).

i got scared and clung on to shauns shoulder,

oi! we had to pay 90 frickin bucks for a disgusting seat and cheap drink. the place was poorly lit with tacky stripper music playing in the background…

the strippers on the podium werent even hot, more like stumpy and flabby, some we wondered were probably trannies. 

there we sat watching in a mixture of awe and disgust, as these strippers started yanking out florescent ropes nearly 50 metres long from their pussies and performing crappy calistenics, involving coke bottles, whistles, bananas, and what not.

all in all, a horrible, unsettling experience, and an utter waste of our 90 bucks each. shaun was too busy freaking out about getting pussy whipped (literally).

we left quite soon after, both angry from the waste of money. 

we both k.o-ed back at the hotel, and spent the next morning and afternoon slothing in bed, munching on jelly beans and gummies and watching HBO.  my aching feet and body prohibited me to move only when i needed to use the bathroom and to get more drinks from the fridge.

we spent the remaining two days in bangkok shopping and shopping and shopping, getting so carried away, we didnt know whether it was night or day. and with my phone being switched off most of the time, the boyfriend thought i had died in an earthquake which hit chiang mai a day back. 

no.

i havent died.

im fine.

good actually, apart from the fact my beloved tan in fading

which means il have to hit the pool and the dreaded gym again.

and with x’mas rolling round the corner, i cant help but feel a little festive.

maybe il get my santa baby a bright new red thong reading "pull my cracker" or connotations of that sort.

*sings*

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, For me.

I’ve been an awful good girl,
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

heh. heh.

merry x’mas y’all, hope you had a good year.

long departure

December 8th, 2006 by cherilim

tis’ been a good six months since i went to my online emo-drama dumpsite and vented.

busy la. thats all i can say.

im finally back to bumming up till february of next year, when il be back to slugging, mugging and whining my entire 2nd semester away. 

till then, il be bumming, tanning excessively, with a few trips under my belt.

bangkok.

sabah. (pending)

s’pore.

dubai.

oh yea, ive also been reluctantly dragging my sorry behind to the gym due to avid fear that the holidays will all but ensure the speeding up process of my arse continuing on its inevitable downward slide.

ive never really been a gym person. i dont think i ever will.

unfortunately genetics are not in my favour, seeing that i put on weight if i so much so as look at a cheesecake.

im beginning to see my true masochistic side as i plod up and down the fucking treadmill till my face turns purple or when i swear i see stars during the stupid spinning class. 

or maybe when i keeping lying to myself about turning my body into a human pretzel at yoga-lates.

doesnt help that the stupid instructor is damn chat irritating with his skin tight tights and darlie-ad grin.

ugh.

like-wanna-die-lidat.

*****

ive to say, ive come a long way this six months.

ive been back to school again after more than a year of wandering aimlessly, and missing the uk dreadfully,

ive been thrown full force into an emotional rollercoaster in relation to a *relationship*. we hooked up, we broke up,

i cried,

hyperventilated,

wanted to die,

ran away from kl for 3 days,

tried to find my zen in a buddhist temple in myanmar (didnt work)

came back,

subsisted on a staple diet of  copious amounts of alco and ciggarettes,

had blind sex sex sex

and emersed myself in the endless crowds of the kl clubbing scene.

depression is an evil thing.

and being a naturally depressive person such as myself, doesnt make it any easier.  my boyfriend once told me i had *Issues*. bi-polar disorder, he claimed.

my pride stood up to guard me,

so  i told him to take his sodding remarks and shove it up his skinny arse.

-so much for anger management, yo.

i shant have to say that conversation didnt go too well. 

since then im proud and grateful to say that ive cleaned up, straightened out, (but er, if the right girl comes along, yea, la i might still swing that way) and grown up a little bit more.

though, i wont deny im still feeling a tad bit displaced.

but i guess thats normal right?

hovering in the cusp of being a teen and a legal adult.

as the year comes to a close,

i have to say, ive made many mistakes, had many regrets, lied, cheated and lost touch with alot of close friends.

but ive also had much time for introspection, building a few good relationships and going back to school.

i dont think i would have had it any other way.