digress & obsess [v2]

tis’ been a good six months since i went to my online emo-drama dumpsite and vented.

busy la. thats all i can say.

im finally back to bumming up till february of next year, when il be back to slugging, mugging and whining my entire 2nd semester away. 

till then, il be bumming, tanning excessively, with a few trips under my belt.

bangkok.

sabah. (pending)

s’pore.

dubai.

oh yea, ive also been reluctantly dragging my sorry behind to the gym due to avid fear that the holidays will all but ensure the speeding up process of my arse continuing on its inevitable downward slide.

ive never really been a gym person. i dont think i ever will.

unfortunately genetics are not in my favour, seeing that i put on weight if i so much so as look at a cheesecake.

im beginning to see my true masochistic side as i plod up and down the fucking treadmill till my face turns purple or when i swear i see stars during the stupid spinning class. 

or maybe when i keeping lying to myself about turning my body into a human pretzel at yoga-lates.

doesnt help that the stupid instructor is damn chat irritating with his skin tight tights and darlie-ad grin.

ugh.

like-wanna-die-lidat.

*****

ive to say, ive come a long way this six months.

ive been back to school again after more than a year of wandering aimlessly, and missing the uk dreadfully,

ive been thrown full force into an emotional rollercoaster in relation to a *relationship*. we hooked up, we broke up,

i cried,

hyperventilated,

wanted to die,

ran away from kl for 3 days,

tried to find my zen in a buddhist temple in myanmar (didnt work)

came back,

subsisted on a staple diet of  copious amounts of alco and ciggarettes,

had blind sex sex sex

and emersed myself in the endless crowds of the kl clubbing scene.

depression is an evil thing.

and being a naturally depressive person such as myself, doesnt make it any easier.  my boyfriend once told me i had *Issues*. bi-polar disorder, he claimed.

my pride stood up to guard me,

so  i told him to take his sodding remarks and shove it up his skinny arse.

-so much for anger management, yo.

i shant have to say that conversation didnt go too well. 

since then im proud and grateful to say that ive cleaned up, straightened out, (but er, if the right girl comes along, yea, la i might still swing that way) and grown up a little bit more.

though, i wont deny im still feeling a tad bit displaced.

but i guess thats normal right?

hovering in the cusp of being a teen and a legal adult.

as the year comes to a close,

i have to say, ive made many mistakes, had many regrets, lied, cheated and lost touch with alot of close friends.

but ive also had much time for introspection, building a few good relationships and going back to school.

i dont think i would have had it any other way.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 8th, 2006 at 1:00 am and is filed under emo-shit. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.