digress & obsess [v2]

i remember the scent of ylang ylang and the sound of barry manilow’s mandy.

its funny how things can end up. or turn out. i cant say for the better or worse.
my very long week, was followed by a very ridic one. todays friday init?
ive been on my feet (practically) since monday night.
why ar you ask?
i dont really know myslef.
you see, he has this very very uncanny ability to wreak havoc in my life directly or very indirectly. i dont know why? hes left it yes? why la then? the last time i spoke to him on the phone in the car, i was almost attack by an ananannana man, trying to take pictures of me and kicking my booth and door. he even tried to rip off my side view mirror! wtf.
this time?
well, wot happened was army bois came to see us and we ended up, me, lin, wei, hann, and lester smoking up some serious shisha well just me and lin and laughing laughing non stop. just like old times. sure it was good to see them again. lester is really hot. aiyoooo. i like la!
anz, me and lin sneak off to the nearby club to check out the halloween scene, where cher adn shar were in the area. needless to say we got in for free. cos of me!
attempted to shuffle but the music didnt quite cut it, and my heels werent doing much help. swinging my hand back like a mahai, attracted all the wrong attention. so me and lin said, sod it lets go back and join our stupid army bois.
fine.
we ended up chatting till late, all of us, till dawn. it was the most awesome night i had in ages, its so rare all of us can actually sit our asses down adn talk abt shit and shots, drunken stories and men/women history.
i dragged my ass back and just slept off.

joined lin for dim sum one on one, before heading off to watch goal ! w hann.
funny feeling having someone so short walk next to me, it jsut didnt feel right. wot did feel right was the fact we didnt have to say anything at times when we sat down alone and i felt so much at ease. as if he read my mind completely, corrected all the issues and sat there smoking his malboros, revelling in his sucess.
i didnt go home that evening.
nor did i go home for the next few nights.
we made our way to an old men bar called mbar(ewwwwwwwwww…) to join our fellow old foggeys for a round of whisky after whisky. needless to say i was the first one to get graciously drunk drunk drunk.
and whilst attempting to hit on lester while squeezing his chest, my face suddenly turned a little more purple and i made headway to the washroom.
uh oh.
wotever i had tried to ingest that evening and night came sprawling out. and fast. through my blurry eyes, i could make out the salmon w zuchinni and spinach. and spaghetti, and tomato bits from the marina sauce..and lots and lots of alcohol.
ewwwwwwww…
the mere sight of that made me feel worse and i ended up in there for 15 minutes puking my fucking guts out. w hann and lin banging on the door asking if i was ok.
shit.
i stumbled out. face pale as ever. saying i needed to wash my hand. fine. but there was no soap. but i was convinced there was saop for some fucked up reason. and kept pressing and pressing the soap dispenser.
oh then i thought im such a genius. a genius! i had realised that hann had given me a mint and it was swivelling round in my mouth. i spat it out imediately onto my hand and told hann and lin and emre standing in awe in the doorway w much triumph
"eh. you mahais la. why ar? you give me soap and you make me eat it? why la? si mi sai. i tekan you then you kno" while washing my hands in the sink w the mint. holy fuck.
they managed to drag me outside and handed me a glass of water.
somehow i was convinced it was vodka. and i scolded lester for trying to get me drunk and bed me for 10 bucks. oh god.
then i ran down some car park and hid behind a pillar while the guys ran around trying to find me. they had no trouble from the gargling sounds i was making w my mouth after drinking lester’s "vodka" anyway.
i didnt want to get in the car. i was convinced they had something up their sleeves. all of them spastic mahais. lin was a mahai. hann was an even bigger mahai. emre was a white mahai. and lester was hot, but still a mahai.
so how?
i felt really confused adn really stressed.
and for some reason really really really hot. my body felt like it was burning and my face had turned a bright crimsom red.
ping " why arr…..im sooo hot…i sweating already. stop dont smell me. i dont want to sweat. wait wait. let me take of my clothes"
lin shook his head in exasperation while hann and lester had to restrain me from taking of my dads very expensive hugo boss shirt that i was going to throw in the drain.
oh god.
but i still didnt want to get in the car.
i made lin, emre and lester stand in a line. and using hann as a waalking stick, i stumbled from left to right sizing each one up and down.
i squinted at lin " i dont want this one" lin rolls his eyes.
i smile at emre " eeyyyyyer. kantoi. donwaannna this one too. so white bah" emre gasped.
i turned to lester , and started poking his chest. i looked at hann. " eh. hann! i want THIS ONE! come come. gimme this ONE!!!" poor lester stood there as i attempted to grab his biceps.
hann was helpless. emre was already in the car waiting to leave. and lin was laughing his head off.
then all of a sudden the bois said " you know wot ping? theres an even hotter guy waiting for you in the car"
that was all it took. i "quai quai" flung myslef into the back seat adn sat there smiling
by the time i had realised there was no hot guy in the backseat, emre was already driving. and i was throwing a big fat hissy fit.
i screamed on top of my lungs. w a black plastic bag over my head (since i was embarassed they would see me puke). "im HOT !!!!!. AND YOU ARE ALL MAHAIS"
but somehow they managed to keep all my clothes on that night. for some reason, i totally believed hann when he said we were in an iglooo. and if i didnt wear my shirt i was going to die of hypothermia.
i sat there convinced i was freezing adn my shivering made the plastic bag rattle. the boys sat there and laughed and laughed non stop. all at my expense. si mi sai.
they went to a nearby shop to eat supper while i ran off round the corner to puke another 6 times. i puked a record breaking 11 times that night.
suddenl i felt a hand on my back. and i froze. david?
but it was only hann. he hugged me and helped me back to my seat.
we got back to lesters place, where i showered and managed to fall flat on my ass in the shower. but i had a bruise on the front of my forehead. funny. is that pyshically possible?
i fell into a fitful sleep in his arms.
funny.
i hadnt felt like that in a long time.
his arms werent long and lean like david’s or muscular warren’s. or just plain stick slim like chao’s.
but they were warm and familiar. and his chest rose and fell in just the right rhythem. i dint even mind that he snored. even his hair smelt the same. like we were back in his room in riana green on that same bed. the scent of ylang-ylang in the air. with barry manilow’s mandy playing in the background.

i blinked my eyes a couple of times.
but we werent.
we were in fact on one of lesters beds. with lester on the other one in nothing but his boxers.
w his cute ass rising adn falling as he slept in peace.
i wondered to myself "is this deja vu?"
nah. dont think so.
was more concerned abt why my arms were wrapped around his waist so much so i was worried he would have difficulty breathing.
alahai.

cherish your human connections : your relationships w friends and family

i had a ridic wednesday night.
you see? i was still recuperating from an overdose of alcohol and tobacco from the night out w the guys. and we had been on our feet since early that morning runnig around, pigging out on food, more alcohol and shit like that. and now that they finally wanted to sit down and chill and smoke some shisha i couldnt have agreed more. hann and lester were goin back the next day. and yet those crazy motherfuckers still wanted to play dota the whole fucking night. adn there was no way in hell was i going to sit there, finish yet another pack of ciggies watching these immature 20 year olds plant bombs or wot not and bombing each others minions flat. not my kind of thing.

i said i wanted out. gave lester the biggest hug i could handle. took my bag adn walked off. i heard someone call my name. and i turned around only so expecting to see hann. he gave me a long and somewot enduring hug in the middle of a crowded cafe. and said, ping take care, du. il miss you. i sighed into submission and gave him a kiss before walking off.





ok. so now that the boys were off to no good. i quickly called wawa and chao adn demanded they come pick me up and we go for a drink. in a nice decent club. now.
cos if they didnt, it wasnt just going to be the missoni dress they needed to get me. i sulked. and they sighed over the phone as if they saw my 6 year old tantrumfied face.
but they didnt come after all. they had "business plans" to sort out.




who made it in the end was sher, who picked me up in her BMW m5.
we headed off to town adn booked our selves into the sheraton imperial. which was perfect, since the loft was just around the corner. needless to say by 1 ish something we had made oursleves comfortable by the bar, drinking vodka lime and margherita, making the best of the house music that was playing, while shunning off the many skinny bengs, midlife crisis business men, overweight, nauseating, balding expatriates.
the theme was good shit. it was retro 70’s/80’s, followed by funky house, a little mainstream trance and a switch to really good RnB. the music they played that night was wicked.
but the crowd was not.
i felt really out of place. like a bobby japanese girl in my bcbg skirt, black top and green sweater and pointy toed heels. i tugged at my sweater uneasily. my LV bag didnt save the situation one bit. and to think that paying so much would. ma fa hai.
the ppl were stariing at us like sher was my baby sitter.
wot ppl?
overdressed bengs with their sengs, and arm candy ahlians in their pencil tight skirts that did noothing for their flat behinds but showed off their toothpicks we call legs. they looked really funny. their chests apeared to be unusually protruding as to wot we would call the case of the "paddedbra/wonderbra gone wrong" syndrome, which looked more like they stuffed toilet paper into the gaps.
then there were the select few overweight mat sallehs that thought that i they jsut stood there with their drinks, grabbing their belly/crotch from time to time theyd strike lucky. mahais.
oh yea. all the mats had balik kampunged. adn the anehs had disspeared somewhere.

sher’s cute bartender friend handed me an awesome afro to don for the night!!!!
i was well pleased!!! i thought sod it theres no one here i know. and theres no one to impress kan? i already look awkward enough why not max it?

an hour later, im still pwning the dance floor in a huge bush of an afro, enjoying the best of funky house and retro and ATB. i sure as fuck was attracting attention. but in all the wrong ways.
one particular fella came up to me and went " hi leng siew jie, you hair ar…very cool wor….how ar..you make lidat…your real hair ar?" mahai.
then there was the skinny beng " leng lui. you look like you from africa. you fancy a drink" holy mother fucker pls save me.
before i could run, another one of those idiots stopped me " hey girl. i love your hair. can i touch it?" wtf.



i guess my inner diva never quite cut it.



drinks were the only friends me and sher were contented w hanging out w that night.
you know wot is a girl’s worst turn off? gawking men. you know those. they stare adn they never stop staring. and eventually drool will we coming out of their open mouths. i hate those.







we didnt sleep that night.
we ended up drinking coffee at the coffeehouse trying to sober up. we looked like absolute shite. flat dank hair. clothes that smelled of ciggarette smoke. and make up smeared across from left to right.
that didnt stop us from talking about everything there was for 5 hours straight till dawn.
i told her abt hann. and abt alid. i told her abt my fucked up affliations with men. and how my love life i was next to nothing. and how i couldnt stop blaming myself for it.
alid wasnt near worth my time. he was an ass. that left adn never came back, cos he had done his dirty and wanted to move on to his next prospect.
sher told me that there is no way one can erase or correct the past. its been put there due to our foolish choices. we always have choices. thats wot makes us lucky mammals. sometimes and most of the time we make mistakes. but success come in being able to learn from it and never look back.
i love art alot. and so does she. in more ways than one its our lifeblood. and well, life can be sybolised into a piece of art. and you are the painter. we all know that wen u make a mistake, you cant erase it. damn watercolour. but you can adapt it. improvise and jsut plain paint all over it. its your choice to make it as beautiful as you want or as barren as you please. wotever you visualise can be turned tangible only by a few strokes. sometimes more. sometimes less.
life is wot you make it out to be. just like everyones view and art piece is different.
she tells me, daddy has marred his piece. in more ways than one. he has left a few marks on my piece. its not a pure as it once was. hann left a garish stroke right across the middle. all the grey sullen spots were left by alid.
"dont learn from your father". youl be even more fucked up.
but your piece is far from done. after all , your only 19.
theres shitloads of work to be done.

so that said.
we finally went to bed went the sun came up. and i never stopped thinking about how i am going to complete my art piece. it looks quite out of place. and the colours dont match.
first of all. im covering all teh grey spots.
i never want to look at another grey spot again.
and im softening the garish strokes on the middle.
my art is going to look real good. and im going to be proud of it.