i met this boy once.
Too bad I was also blessed w perfect timing, un called for circumstances and a temper violent enough to rival stewie griffin.
I once met a boy.
He wasn’t terribly good looking or absurdly intelligent or did he ooze charisma like your regular motherfucking player.
In all aspects, you can say that he was pretty much an average Joe.
W a more eccentric edge than I would’ve preferred.
But the one thing I was drawn to him by was his big heart and his capacity to love and love and love even more. Almost unconditionally. Almost.
i don’t know if it was his droll affinity towards life and its bitching. But in any case he never once failed to smile even when there were tears streaming down his face.
I don’t know why, how or when but I did eventually fall in love w this boy.
And in many aspects. Which id rather eloquently deny, i admire him
I don’t think I can be anymore blessed w such good timing that I have now.
Wutthefuck.
Makes me really wonder if things would have been different if we had just remained friends and only began to explore the avenues maybe another 5 years down the line.
A little too late.
There is nothing left to explore. And little left to look forward to.
I probably know him better than his mother. In all ways possible. (and I leave that to imagination). I think we know each other a little too well for comfort.
You know the feeling?
Being too close for comfort.
Exactly my sentiments.
And I guess the sad fact remains that he and I will be too dysfunctional together. Maybe its cos, we are in so many ways so similar. Almost like twins but yet for some uncanny reason we want different things and that im predicting that if it spelled trouble before, im sure it will again. History sure has a sneaky way of repeating itself and fucking you up and down, before you realize it.
Maybe it would have been better if we broke off much earlier but remained friends till perhaps timing was on our side.
And at the back of our minds we knew our relationship was falling apart.
But we sacrificed everything to make it work. Sorta like throwing all your possessions into a fire that was going to eventually burn out anyway.
We acted as if we were in fact going to last forever. Why? Cos I don’t think ive ever loved someone more than I did he. And when you know something is valuable, it takes a lot to finally loosen your grip. Yes?
Call it blind faith? And till this day I wonder if he would have waited. Now only time will tell.
Its just so sad though. At one point in time it was as if he was the best thing that happened to me. Like mr. perfect. I couldn’t have asked for more. He was a perfect lover and best friend all rolled into one. And funny as hell too.
Then wot the fuck happened to those happy times?
As a tried and tested cynic I maintain that happiness can never last forever, ppl grow up, ppl change, ppl move, obstacles come in between. And all this nonsense.
This test of time shit.
Yea, like I said its sad though. I hopelessly in love, only when it was too late and ive never stopped loving him ever since. Is that possible? Believe me it is.
When u go through with dating so many guys (all of which are pretty damn hot), and getting into a serious relationship w another motherfucker and getting seriously burned.
Just when you thought you has successfully packed him into a suitcase and shoved him into your closet and forgot abt it.
You wake up one morning w this dull ache in your chest. Many a time ive asked myself “oh geesus. Wot have I done?â€
And I cannot count the number of times ive hit my head on the wall and slapped myself silly after realizing ive let slip the best thing that ever happened to me.
Just like that.
Like that.
It all seems so pointless. It didn’t mean a thing.
Its like ive fallen into a booby trap over and over again.
And its pretty much torture when you know you love the guy and you want to tell him that, but its too late.
Hes moved on and the last thing he wants is to be reminded of painful trauma that left him feeling vulnerable.
You might as well pull masking tape over my mouth.
Cos words like this will just fall on deaf ears.
Its hell when you cannot repent. And you’ve gone too far, for your quest for redemption.
But despite all this, there lies within you a faint glimmer of (blind) hope that one day he will return and one day he will realize that ending it that way was just not right.
Perhaps only then the skeletons hanging around in my closet will disappear.
But for now, all I can say is that I was once blessed w the most awesome guy I could have fathomed.
